4/16/2009 1:02 PM
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Hi Everyone,
Yesterday I was way sad. The birthcontrol pill makes me so nauseous and just irratible. My 'last' childless friend just announced she is 13 weeks pregnant and I AM so happy for her but at the sametime now I really feel like I've got no one to talk to. She did try for a while and was going to go through IVF and then just got pregnant. I'm glad she told me herslf though, I also feel so bad when people that know our situation 'don't want to tell me'- then I really feel like a Lepor. So thank you all for being so optomistic and for sharing. And I really am an optomistic person, I strongly believe that God has a plan for all of us. I am keeping the faith and praying for all of you.
In the meantime, I went on YouTube and found some women going through the same thing. If you search for IVF Vlog or IVF Diary, you can learn so much from someone else's experience. One girl actually does the shots on video with her husband, so you can see what to expect and the exact procedure. I thought it was so generous of her to put herself out there like that.
Today it's sunny and warm for the first time in weeks. The first signs of Spring are popping up everywhere, I'm taking this as a sign of things to come! New Life!
Snowie1978- I hope I can help answer your question. At least this is how it worked for me: You take your pill, then that overlaps with the Lupron (for me it will overlap for 5 days). Then you will get a 'Lupron' bleed. This is the only bleed you will get. At this point you will call and schedule your Baseline Ultrasound and Bloodwork. After that you will know if you are okay to start stimulation (for me it was Follitism and Menopur). So no, you will not get another period before Egg Retrieval and Transfer. I hope this helps.
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4/15/2009 8:41 PM
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GirlAtHeart - I'm not sure of all this stuff, but I assume that anyone that has frozen embryos that they no longer want/need, and they "donate" them, that this is where the "embryo adoption" comes into play? Again, not sure, but that's what I'm assuming. . . Either way it is all scary and quite interesting all at the same time. If your dr doesn't see any reason why you shouldn't try the embryo adoption, then I say GO FOR IT!
All - - I feel as though God is the only one that knows our future. . . I wish I could just ask him what's in store for me. . . baby? no baby?? Perhaps his plan is no children for me . . but I find that hard to believe, I have such a strong will to have children, that maternal instinct in me is strong. I'll just have to be patient and hope for that baby, I will not give up faith. . .
EVERYONE - HANG IN THERE!!!
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4/15/2009 11:30 AM
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Oh Ladybug, I forgot to mention...we didn't have any embryos to freeze, or I would be doing that right now...
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4/15/2009 11:29 AM
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Hi Ladybug - I was wondering about fibroids. Anyone else, please chime in as well...
Last year, when embarking on the whole IVF journing, I found out I have a fibroid on my left side. It's a broad ligament fibroid, which I believe means it's on the outside and not inside the "important parts." I never knew I had one and never had problems from it. The IVF doctor discovered it on my first vaginal ultrasound. It's about 2 inches roughly, maybe slightly smaller. The doc said it can't really be removed and that it shouldn't affect carrying a baby. All the fibroid does is slightly push my uterus over to the side, but not much.
If we were to pursue embryo adoption, I do wonder if the fibroid could be a problem at all. But I guess they can't do anything about it. I'm really trying hard to weigh in on whether to try embryo adoption. The cost is attractive - $3,500 to $5,000, with repeat tries at $2,000 - but the risks are scary because you aren't guaranteed a child like adoption.
Icgl - Thanks for the info on the SHG. I had an HSG performed, which I think was called a Hysterosalpingogram. It hurt like heck, really bad! But it all came out clear. Do you know how much the SHG roughly costs?
About my lining - I'm older and my periods are getting shorter and lighter. At one point, I was on 8 estrace pills per day to build up my lining. I'm just concerned that it's not thick enough or something. If they build you up on estrace, and then add the progesterone, those two drugs keep the lining favorable, right?
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4/15/2009 7:31 AM
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mtknap- Thanks i also have a friend a couple hours way who starts her stim shots next monday so we have been talking. This is her 4th time trying so she is full of information. I too am under 35 so I have an easy protocol this time. Lupron begins 4/20 - Follistim begins 5/2 and Hcg around 5/11 or so. I was scared of the shots but everyone as been so helpful to make those fade. good luck
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4/14/2009 8:26 PM
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What is this shared risk program? I didn't know there were package deals for IVF cycles. My dr or anyone at the hospital where I had the process done never mentioned anything to me.
GirlAtHeart - When I filled out my paperwork before doing my first IVF cycle, there was a form I had to fill out about what I wanted to do with any extra embryos, I could choose to keep them frozen and start paying a fee after the first year for the service, I could donate the embryos to couples that may need them, dispose of them, or donate them to science. I thought this form was standard, were you not offered this form? Unfortunately, I did not have any embryos to freeze.
All - I believe I have convinced my husband to spend the $$ for another round of IVF. I think he can see how happy it would make me to try again. . . though the risk is still there, but I am thinking POSITIVE. However, I just found out yesterday that I have a fibroid the size of a golf ball inside me. . . and it appears as though there is a polyp inside of it? Not sure what is going on, waiting to hear from my doctor to find out what the next step is and what would be best to do before we try our 2nd round of IVF. Though this wasn't the reason for my m/c in February, I just want to make sure everything perfect before we try again. I want to make sure my uterus is a happy home for my embryos and the baby(ies) they are to become :o)
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4/14/2009 5:38 PM
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I'm sorry the book is called "You are My Wish Come True" and it's available for Adoption or biological children. I own both.
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4/14/2009 5:34 PM
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I just bought the 'fully fertile' book on amazon, thanks for the suggestion.
hey if anyone adopts, there is a book called "I Wished for You- and Adoption story". Yea, I already bought it , along with the full DVD set of "Your Baby Can Read". Do I have any kids, yet? No, but hey I gotta be ready and shopping makes me feel better:o) Is that so wrong? LOL
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4/14/2009 5:28 PM
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GirlAtHeart- there are tests that can be done to check your uterine lining and 'cavity' (i hate that term, feels like were talking about stuffing a turkey, but that's the proper term). It's called a SonoHystoGram, not to be confused with the Hysto-Sono-Gram which checks your fallopian tubes for blockages. (BTW, this one doesn't hurt nearly as bad as the HSG) It would be really exciting to 'be' pregnant and experience a little life inside of you, kicking away. I'm going to make myself cry, I do dream of that feeling. You will make the right choice, whatever that is for the two of you.
lcgl- My Murphy's Law would be that this time it's 'free', last try we spent close to $20,000 and nothing. So it would be such irony this time around. My acupuncturist says my tongue needs to be pink and that will mean 'my body is ready'. When I take her herbs it's definelty pinker, now that i've stopped the herbs, it's white-ish again! I want to 'be ready', but I don't want to take anymore herbs. What should I do? My doctors don't want me to take herbs at all. Yoga sounds helpful to me and I will continue with the acupuncture needle treatments, it is amazingly relaxing, isn't it? Who would have ever thought. I love it as well. Massage worries me though, should I just ask them to stay away from my ankles? I've been told women in early pregnancy should not have near their achilles massaged. Too much information to sort through. Agh.
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4/14/2009 5:22 PM
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Girlatheart- Do all of it if you can. Maybe your adopted embryo will take and then you'll have adoption stuff completed and percolating for when you decide s/he needs a sibling. How cool would that be?
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4/14/2009 5:09 PM
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Icgl - Ha Ha! A pee stick in your memory box! (Okay, so I have lucky underwear and socks. I'm still saving them.)
Mtknap - The quote was amazing. I hope a baby/child finds me. I've been to her house, when she first got her baby boy (I was on an assignment there, working). He is really cute. A funny story: I was at a baby shower for her on a different assignment and looked at the cake. It was all by itself in a corner. Only it didn't look like a cake at all. It was a different shape, sort of like a toy or a baby item. (I don't want to say exactly what it was, so I can't be identified!) Anyway, I was touching it, thinking how cute it was. I thought it was a little prop that someone had built for the occasion. Well, one of my colleagues walked in and said, "Why are you playing with the cake?" I had no idea it was the cake! I got away from it really quickly. I was so embarrassed and we both had a good laugh about it later. Thank goodness no one else saw me.
IN OTHER NEWS **
We just had an adoption agency meeting. There are actually several options:
Domestic Adoption - The most difficult...Only one in four mothers go through with it, so you can be committed to getting a baby, only to have the birth mother change her mind. This scares me. Also the timeline is long - it could take two years.
International - Better, although they only have older children for someone my age. I would be okay with this, but I really wanted a younger child - yes, a baby. Some special circumstances do come up, but we would have to see.
AND -- everyone hold their breath.....
Embryo Adoption!
OMG - It is available. Apparently, something like 500,000 embryos are sitting at the NEDC, waiting for a womb. This option really freaks me out, because it's a 30-50% success rate. The doctor who does this from that center has a 50% success rate. I would have to think on this, but surprisingly, my husband is very gung-ho about it. It's the cheapest option, moneywise, and you can do up to three tries.
The agency will let you enter two programs at once and then when one becomes more solid, they place the other program on hold.
Because it's another risk, it scares me. I know we had problems in the past with my eggs and possibly my husband's sperm. So it would take both us out of the equation.
What does everyone think? Please give me your opinions. Also, is there a way to find out if I have issues with my uterus/lining/immune system/whatever else? It's never come up at my clinic before. I just wonder if some women's bodies just always reject babies. Anyone heard of other "uterus" issues?
Thanks!
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4/14/2009 4:42 PM
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I bought the book "Fully Fertile- A 12 Week plan for ..." and followed a lot of their advice. I stopped all caffeine and alcohol a few weeks before starting stims, and I did Yoga per their recommendations and took a class once a week, and did acupuncture once per month for 3 months, then 3 times during stimulation, then on the day after transfer. My acupuncturist recommended L-arginine based on the appearance of my tongue which I did have to roll my eyes at a little, but it's just an amino acid, so I thought it couldn't hurt. I love acupuncture. I will find some reason to do it for the rest of my life. It's way better than any massage I've ever had. I don't know if any of this stuff was what tipped the scales in my favor, but they are all positive life style changes anyway. At least I felt like I was doing something besides sitting around and aging.
After the transfer I stayed in a chair as much as possible for 3 days. My mom was visiting so she lifted my two year old when necessary. I did shower.
I thoroughly believe in Murphy's law. You have to get it on your side as much as possible. This was our first IVF of a shared risk program we signed up for, so we lost about $18,000 by being successful on the first try. (I'm NOT complaining.) I do feel happy knowing that our financial "loss" will help to finance another person who may need a 3rd round. If you can't do a shared risk program, then think of another way to get old Murphy on your side.
About the home pregnancy test-- this is what my RE told me: if it's positive-- it's positive, but if it's negative-- it's probably negative, but don't stop any meds until you get a quantitative HCG.
I put my urine preg test in our memory box with cards and stuff. Is it disgusting to have a thing I peed on in there?
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4/14/2009 4:26 PM
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GirlAtHeart- I saw a blurb about Sheryl Crow that touched me along with a photo of her beautiful adopted little boy, who really looks very much like her and she said, "It's funny how little souls have a way of finding you, wether they come from your womb or not." Gave me chills.
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4/14/2009 4:15 PM
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Snowie1978, I am so thankful for this site too. Feel free to ask me any questions since this is round two for us. I'm doing a protocol for women under 35 and feel like I at least understand the process now. Lupron isn't so bad. You can do it. If I did, you surely can.
GirlAtHeart, we will consider adoption as well. I've looked at those forms and they are a little scary. I'm scared as to which agency to choose and well as a thousand other things...will our baby leave us one day to find their biological family?....will the biological mother want her child back?....can we afford it?....will our child be treated the same as all the other biological grandchildren (my bro and sis in law have 7. Yes 7. Naturally and sit down for this one, they conceived triplets naturally. yes, naturally. When I found out I balled my eyes out, I just want one, what the heck? p.s. I adore all of them) i'm sure you could add to the list. After watching Slum-Dog Millionaire I want to fly to India and adopt every child. I'll tell you this much it takes a very special person to adopt, and after being through this process, it truly gives you a new appreciation of life and what a miracle it is, that aone is something that most of the population, I think, takes for granted, and you will be an excellent and better mommy for having been through all this stuff.
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4/14/2009 3:52 PM
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mtknap - I did acupuncture, which I understand is supposed to relax the uterus in a good way. I am not doing it right now, but I loved it! I actually did it in combination with massage and I can tell you, it was more relaxing than massage! I didn't take any herbs, though. I was a little nervous about ingesting anything that could potentially be a problem. You read all these crazy things, like pineapple is bad for you, pineapple is GOOD for you...who do you believe?
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4/14/2009 3:31 PM
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mtknap- I am on somewhat the same schedule as you. I started my BCP a couple weeks ago bc thats when my period started. Then I start my Lupron next Monday 4/20. My dr said about may 13 or so should be retrevial. This is my first time doing IVF so I have been very thankful for this site.
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4/14/2009 3:05 PM
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Girl at Heart,
thanks for the info. I did some research and it seems hcg shot can stick around 5 - 7 days. As far as doing a home test, I have been cramping off and on for 2 days and believe that my one B- embryo did not stick. I am still reeling at my lack of response for egg production. They got 3 only one fertilized normally and it was implanted on the 10th. My hcg is scheduled for 21st, but I believe that I will start my menses before. I am trying to be less frustrated regarding all the money I spent for one cycle to produce one egg--something my ovaries did without stimulation! Not only the money...but the time...it is sooo time consuming---I feel I could have written a thesis with all the doctor's visits, us, medication dispensing etc!! And not to forget the emotional toll...I really got no encouragement during the transfer from doctor or staff, he was already discussing a potential new protocol...I'm sure it will be costlier...I could just cry---scratch that...I am crying! Keep us all posted with your progress...your reports benefit us all. Thanks!
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4/14/2009 2:59 PM
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Has anyone else tried acupuncture? With herbs or no herbs?
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4/14/2009 2:58 PM
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lcgl- Congratulations! You give me hope. This time around (2nd IVF after 3 IUIs) I am doing acupuncture. Please tell me about your experience. How often did you go? Did you take the herbs throughout? Tell me everything. I've been going since my miscarriage in October (from first IVF, I was only 5 weeks along and they had implanted 2- perfect 8 cell stage embryos). Also tell me about your yoga and anything else that will help make this result different. Thank you so much.
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4/14/2009 2:50 PM
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Hello Everyone,
This is our second attempt at IVF and am so happy to have 'buddies' this time around. My husband is great. My friends are wonderful, but really NO ONE understands unless they've been there. I started OCPs on Sunday night at 11pm, woke up at 4am really nauseous. Last night took the same pill with pie and a big glass of milk and did much better, although not 100%. I'm keeping saltines and ginger ale by my bed and sip it when the nausea strikes.
Lupron starts on April 25th.
Anyone else on this schedule?
I know from the last time around I will need Menopur, Follistim AQ, HcG and if my calculations are the same as last time, the retrieval should be mid-May.
Good luck to everyone.
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4/14/2009 12:20 PM
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Icgl - CONGRATULATIONS! I feel like you've graduated. Please stay in touch and on this board so we can get inspiration from your success.
NJ hopeful - I am your age and have the exact same story - never tried to conceive, husband had vasectomy, etc. That's great that you transferred three embryos. As far as what to do and what to expect, just take it easy. My clinic said not to lift over 10 lbs. and don't do heavy exercise. Also, don't use a heating pad and don't take a hot bath. Just use common sense. If in doubt - don't do it. You wouldn't want to kick yourself later thinking, "I shouldn't have done that." As far as pregnancy symptoms, they really vary among women, so please stay off the "Google" search because you will make yourself crazy. Some women get nausea, some don't. Some have sore boobs, etc. Everyone is different, so just stay calm, even if you don't have any symptoms!
Roxanne - Hi, I was never brave enough to do a home preg test. I know there is the danger of a false reading. I wish I could recall how long it takes for the trigger shot to clear. My clinic said to not do a home test because of the potential for wrong information. I know it is so tempting, so you'll have to decide. Just make sure you do the research to find out when the HCG clears from the trigger shot. And if you do decide to test, you may want to do several in a row. I think I've read that a lot of women prefer the FRED home preg test??? (You may have to look that one up.)
Ladybug - Way to go in handling the baby situation with your sister-in-law's new baby. It's so sad, because it's hard for us to be around babies, which is the very thing we want. Then, at the same time, we need to show happiness for others' successes. I have to keep reminding myself not to be selfish and to show the other mothers my happiness and support because it's not their fault I don't have a baby...did that make sense?
robyn8340 - I am so sorry for your loss. It's so hard to deal with. It's actually pretty devastating. I just had a miscarriage last month and only now am I feeling like myself again. Just keep the faith and have hope. If you have someone who is in this/knows that you did this, then I would lean on them. Only my sister knew and I leaned on her heavily for support. My husband only helped so much, if you know what I mean. They seem to move on quicker for some reason, maybe because they didn't physically have to do much or bear a loss. Tell your close ones that you are hurting. They can't change things, but they can listen. Really.
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4/14/2009 9:44 AM
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I had my 8 week u/s yesterday, two fetuses, each measures 1.5mm (exactly as it should.) They discharged us from the fertility center to our regular OB-- and gave us 2 little silver spoons. I am so glad that (god-willing) I will never have to set foot in that place again. I hope some of you can get some courage from my success story. Other people's success stories are what helped me the most to continue to believe that it could happen to me. It wasn't easy. In total we did 11 or 12 stimulated IUI's, a diagnostic laparoscopy, 2 HSG's, 4 fresh IVF's and 2 FET's. And we dropped a ridiculous pile of cash, but I wouldn't trade my family for a lake house or a boob job or any number of fancy vacations. I remember you all in my prayers. Good luck.
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4/13/2009 6:22 PM
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Hi Everyone,
My husband and I just received the bad news that our FET failed and we are not pregnant. Now it is time to start all over with the fresh cycle. Even though I am grateful that we are able to have this as an option, I am devastated AGAIN. We are starting our next fresh cycle in May, but for now I'm just sad and crying on the couch. Family members and friends can't really do much to make it better. I'm willing to go through anything and everything to become a mommy, but I just want to believe that it will happen one day for us!
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4/13/2009 6:21 PM
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Hi Everyone,
My husband and I just received the bad news that our FET failed and we are not pregnant. Now it is time to start all over with the fresh cycle. Even though I am grateful that we are able to have this as an option, I am devastated AGAIN. We are starting our next fresh cycle in May, but for now I'm just sad and crying on the couch. Family members and friends can't really do much to make it better. I'm willing to go through anything and everything to become a mommy, but I just want to believe that it will happen one day for us!
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4/11/2009 5:15 PM
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Thanks Ladybug. I appreciate the information and good luck wishes. I hope it all works out for you also.
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4/11/2009 11:51 AM
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NJ - As far as for the first few days after your transfer, I stayed off my feet as much as possible (pretty much just laid in bed or on the couch all day), let your husband wait on you so you can stay off your feet as much as possible, I tried not to do stairs too much. And thereafter up to the pregnancy test I didn't pick up/lift anything but light things and still did things cautiously, babied myself. Hang in there. Just do whatever the dr tells you to do (or whatever the dr tells you not to do).
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4/11/2009 9:47 AM
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NJ - The meds made me tired... I would take naps and normally I am not a "nap" person. I did not count on any of the symptoms I was feeling after the transfer and before the pregnancy test because it seemed as though some of the side effects from my meds were a lot of pregnancy-like symptoms. I suggest just taking it easy and don't do anything strenuous for the next couple of weeks. Hang in there, the wait is nerve racking, but we all survive the wait. Before you know it test day will be here. Good luck! I wish you the best.
All - well my sister-in-law had her baby 2 weeks ago, a beautiful baby girl, Gennavive, I've only seen the baby once so far and I think, for the most part, I did ok around her. I wouldn't hold little Genna as I was afraid I would start crying. . . not because my sister-in-law has a baby. . . but because I don't and I want to have a family so badly. I'm hangin' in ok, though.
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4/11/2009 9:31 AM
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Hello everyone.
I too am new to ivf. Had embryo transfer yesterday(one) and am cautiously optimistic. My hcg test is on the 21st. I have had several iui attempts that were unsuccessful although I have a 2 year old daughter that was conceived through iui on my 1st attempt. I tried iui without stimulation 3 times and used follistim on the 4th and was unsuccessful. I abhor the way the meds make me feel, bloated moody and stressed about getting injections at the appropriate time, etc. I am sad because I did not stimulate well and only 3 eggs were retrieved this cycle and only one looked well enough to transfer. From research I understand that my chances are slim at my age(43). I feel for you all, the effort, money and hope that goes into each cycle and then the devastating news. ... Does anyone know if I can do home hcg test and when....? Will the trigger shot give me a false positive? Do you think it is wise to wait for the serum hcg or can I test at home? Any thoughts would be appreciated.
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4/10/2009 5:09 PM
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Hi I am new to this board. I just completed my first cycle of IVF (transfer was yesterday, 4/9) which is also my first time trying to get pregnant by any means. I am 42 and just married my husband in November 2008. The doctor told us are chances were not very good. My husband had a vasectomy 15 years ago so he had an aspiration on Monday (4/6) which went fine. They retrieved 7 eggs from me but only 4 were mature and only 2 of those fertilized. They were able to do 2nd day ICSI on two more and we got aother embryo from that procedure (one of those appeared to be abonormal) So they transferred 3 embryos (a 7 cell, a 6 cell, & a 4 cell which was a day behind the others). Embryologist said sperm was fine just not enough good eggs but he said the embryos we had looked good. I only stimulated for 8 days - I was on 450 Follistim and 150 Menopur that they increased to 225 on 5th or 6th day). After reading some of the posts I understand the weight gain though. It will be well worth it if this all works but I had just lost 60 lbs. Did anyone else feel really tired from the Meds? I felt like I could sleep forever. Pregnancy test is on 4/20. Are there any signs I can look for in the meantime? Yesterday & today I have been trying to lay down or sit as much as possible, I didn't even shower today because I thought that might mean standing for too long. Can anyone else tell me what they did in the few days after the transfer? I feel so uneducated about this compared to some of the other postings.
Thanks for any info.
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4/8/2009 3:27 PM
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We had our 7 week u/s yesterday. Now there are 2 heartbeats and they measure appropriately. I'm very happy. I'm still scared, not because of twins-- that fear will come later, but because I know that so many of you have been in this happy place only to have everything fall to pieces. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, but I'm trying to enjoy it too.
Girlatheart, I'm proud of you for making it through the time you spent with a pregnant lady and a little kid. That is so hard.
What country are you thinking of adopting from? I looked really hard at the adoption option last summer. Then I found out that my sweet mild mannered husband, when he was 28 (but still apparently an adolescent), kicked in his cheating girlfriend's front door to tell her what he thought of her. He was charged with breaking and entering-- which was dropped the next day, and later expunged, but since he has been charged with a crime, we are not fit parents according to the adoption system. Lovely. So we went back to the IVF mill, and hopefully this will all turn out OK.
You must be wondering where the energy will come from to go through an adoption after going through this exhausting fertility hell, but I think if you can hang in there, you will find a child who needs you as much as you want him or her. It will be such an adventure and so rewarding.
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4/7/2009 2:09 PM
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Hi Everyone,
Icgl, hope you are doing fine and things are progressing well with your pregnance.
Hi everyone else! -- I think of each of you and your struggles and hope you are doing okay.
I've been out of state for almost three weeks. I went out of town for work and then stayed on another two weeks to see my mother and siblings. My husband stayed on a few days, but had to get back to work. It was a good trip. I haven't seen those family members in over a year! All last year, my mom kept asking when I was going to come visit. Since we were doing IVF, we couldn't really travel, let alone afford a trip. Anyway, it was good to be a "kid" again at my mom's house. I let her cook breakfast for me, etc.
I am (fairly) proud of myself. My sister-in-law's niece went to the beach with us. She is pregnant and is due in May, so she was very big. She wore a bikini and "it" (baby bump) kept staring at me, and me at it - ha ha! I kept myself together and even managed to enjoy sitting on the blanket with her. As most of you know, it is such a struggle to be around pregnant women and those with babies or small children. I also spent a lot of time with my 3-year-old nephew and it was very healing. I didn't have any type of sad emotions or anything (my sister knows we did IVF). So this was a big step for me.
I'm still struggling and can cry easily when I think of my m/c, but overall, I'm okay.
***
Yesterday, I submitted our application for International Adoption. It's just one of several options we are looking into.
We can also do domestic adoption, but I think it could take longer, plus the birthmother chooses you in most cases. So this feels like a lot of pressure - to audition in a way. And...the agency is a Christian agency where you have to complete some questions that are faith-based. I am worried that we aren't religious enough or involved in our church enough. I'm afraid to fill that application out. Seriously, the questions are really challenging. I worry about saying the wrong thing.
The last option is embryo adoption. The adoption agency has a program where you can get donated embryos. This seems like the quickest way, but it also involves the most risk, because there's only a 30% approx. success rate. It would be devastating to go through it and have another failure. This is sort of last on the list, if you know what I mean.
It's all overwhelming, and I'm trying to digest it all.
I feel like I'm having to do most of the work. My husband's on board, but it's me doing the paperwork.
On the bright side: When my sister dropped me off at the airport, she looked me in the eye and said,
"If it were me, I'd go for it (adoption). I'd knock on every door and do any possible thing to get a child. I wouldn't take no for an answer. Nothing would be a barrier to me. You are going to have to work very hard and it will be exhausting, but you should explore every single avenue."
Her words have energized me and given me a boost of encouragement.
Everyone, have a great day.
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4/2/2009 10:24 PM
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lcgl - just go with it. Whatever the case may be, 1 or 2 babies, I can only imagine how excited you and your husband would be either way. . . scary, yes, but exciting all at the same time. You'll figure it out. My husband and I were a little freaked when we first found out there was the possibility of 2 babies, but we didn't know for sure yet if both had taken, that was at an ultrasound at 5 weeks. I'm so excited for you, and envious, I hope that's ok to say.
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4/1/2009 3:25 PM
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Ladybug, I hope you can have at least some small bit of solace in knowing why your m/c happened. It's good that it's not a mutation that you or your husband carry, so it's not likely to happen again. Still it stinks beyond belief that that happened to you. Both twins had trisomy 15?-- must have been monozygotic.
I had my 6 week ultrasound yesterday (really 5 weeks and 5 days). There are 3 gestational sacs, but only two of them have yolk sacs. He said the two with yolk sacs look normal for dates, though one was a lot bigger than the other. So I guess there is a possibility of twins, but not triplets.
I'm still very scared.
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3/30/2009 7:51 PM
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Snowie - As soon as I figure a way to get him to move past the $$ and appreciate the big picture, I will let you know. I like lcgl's outlook.
All- I got the test results back today as to why I miscarried my babies, turns out they had an extra chromosome, chromosome #15 which always causes a m/c per the dr. This is one of those freak things that happen and is not a trait that I or my husband carry. I'm still sad, of course, because only about 5 weeks as passed since everything happened, but I no longer have that thought in my head that I did something wrong. . . that I caused the m/c, because it is now proven that I didn't. I could only imagine that is a common thought after a m/c. Now perhaps I can move forward and my husband and I can sit down and figure out where we want to go from here.
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3/30/2009 2:08 PM
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I told my husband that I would rather live in a tent WITH a baby than in a house WITHOUT a baby so we should just sell the house. Where are their priorities?
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3/30/2009 1:41 PM
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Ladybug- When you figure out how to get your husband to get past the dollar signs please let me know how you did it. Mine is the same way. He says we only get one try because he is not spending all that money again ...with as you said "no guarantees" I am frustrated to no end with him because he is having trouble seeing the big piicture and all i can see is B-A-B-Y.....
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3/29/2009 8:21 AM
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Thanks, Snowie. I've booked the hotel, now if I could just find a flight that is reasonably priced, I'd be happy. I live in Cleveland and the flights directly into Sarasota are a little more costly than if I were to fly into Tampa. We'll get down there one way or another.
So. . . I'm afraid I may be irritating my husband, all I seem to have on my mind is "baby". . . It's pretty much all I think about. I'm 38 so I don't want to let to much time go by before deciding what our next step is. I've told him that I would like to try again. I think he is a little concerned about dropping another $12k for another round when there is no guarantee. I need to get him to realize that he shouldn't be so concerned about to the money but to focus more on what this money could do for us, what the money could bring us, A BABY, and a baby is forever. . . there for the rest of our lives. I hop God will bless us some day with a child of our own.
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3/26/2009 10:13 PM
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Ladybug- I'm in Panama City FL and its GREAT weather here. A nice vacation spot. I think a little R & R from the stress is a wonderful idea. hope u have a good time
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3/26/2009 9:35 PM
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My dr told me if we want to try again, she wants to test our DNA as well. I'm still waiting for the analysis to come back from my m/c . After we get those results, we will determine where to go from there. I have been telling my husband that I really want to try again. Hopefully God would answer our prayers the 2nd time around. . . My husband and I have decided to take a vacation in May, a long weekend on the beach in Florida to clear our heads and forget about life for a while. I'm looking forward to a little R & R with my hubby, we really need it.. .
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3/26/2009 4:33 PM
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Congrats lcgl! Best wishes for you!
I have been away for a while trying to deal with my depression and anger. I threw myself into my work and now that spring is knocking on the door, I am starting to have better thoughts!
I have been seeing my EAP counselor and she is helping....but I am still angry. I also realized that venting helps, and venting on this forum is even better because of the level of understanding. But everyone....please seek help if you can't come to terms with this!
Ladybug - you are so strong. To have endured all the social obligations while at the same time picking up the pieces of your broken dream is amazing. I had to go to Holland 4 days after my miscarriage, and I totally agree that only when we slow down and acknowledge the loss, are we able to start the repair process.
Jhoppi - I got the horrible news at 8 weeks that things were not right. One of the things that my Doctor asked us to do after the D&C was to have our DNA checked. You will need to check with your health insurance as they might cover it, but it is usually only after multiple miscarriages. They covered ours even though it was the first miscarriage as they thought my loss was due to a molar pregnancy (cancer). Thank goodness it was not...but at least we got the DNA testing completed. All that it takes is a blood draw from you and from hubby. My rudimentary understanding is that they then have to grow the strand (which takes about 2 weeks). This allows them to check the number of chromosomes as well as the location of the chromosomes. Each partner contributes 23 towards baby. If your chromosomes are jumbled, or your count is off you may not be able to produce a baby. For us...it was good to eliminate one more unknown before considering dropping $15k on another attempt. If you don't have insurance, it will cost around $1300 - $2000 depending on where you go. Our doctor has an agreement with the testing facility so we could have gotten their discounted price of $1300.
So now we are facing the BIG decision. Do we try again, or just give up. I had my blood drawn just yesterday for Cycle Day 3....just to see what my fsh level looks like. I just don't know.......sigh~
Hang in there everyone!
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3/26/2009 11:14 AM
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They have mentioned the possibility of multiples. We transferred 3 embryos, but our RE thinks the possibility of triplets is still very low because of my age and our history of failed IVF's. I would be really concerned about my ability to gestate triplets-- my sinleton son was born a month early-- I'd be really worried about very premature triplets-- yikes. But I guess I'll just have to wait and see-- 8 more days to the first ultrasound. They also mentioned that initial twin pregnancies often end up as singletons early on. I'm so happy, but my anxiety level is still sky high-- I just pray that when I go in for that first ultrasound, there is at least one normal embryo in the right place.
Ladybug, I really can't imagine how torn up you must feel after a miscarriage. I'm wishing you a speedy recovery and success with the next go.
I think there are 3 reasons that this round resulted in a + for us:
1) We got Murphy's law on our side. We paid for 3 rounds plus any frozen embryo transfers. So we ended up wasting about $17K with success on the first round. (Not that I'm complaining.)
2) Acupuncture and yoga.
3) My father died on Christmas day, and a few weeks before he died we were talking about who he'd see in heaven. I told him to say hi to my grandparents, and I told him to mention to God that we are still hoping for another baby if he could do it without seeming impertinent. So I think he got us a little inside connection.
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3/24/2009 7:04 PM
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lcgl - Looks like everything is going well. I am happy for you. My husband and I haven't decided what our next step is. . . still recovering. . . I wish you the best. Please keep us posted on your progress. Since your hormone levels are high, did the dr mention multiple babies are a possibility?
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3/24/2009 3:28 PM
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Today my beta was 4250. I have another 10 days until the 6 week ultrasound-- can't wait. I think about all of you often and remember you in my prayers. I hope you all get your ticket out of this infertility hell very soon.
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3/21/2009 11:31 AM
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I finally got in to get my serum betaHCG drawn today (2 days late) and it's 1503, which the Dr. said was a really high number. I'm still having a hard time believing that this is true, and I'm still scared. But I'll take each day as it comes and enjoy this thoroughly.
Including all the clomid/IUI's and follistim/IUI's and IVF's and FET's this makes 16 cycles. Our 12th cycle (fresh IVF#2) gave us our son, and god-willing, this 16th cycle (fresh IVF#4) will give him a buddy.
I hope that this good news for me doesn't depress anyone further. I know what a total pain in the --- this fertility mill is, and I wouldn't want to make it harder on anyone. Nothing has given me more strength and hope through this ordeal than to hear of other people's success, so I'll keep you all updated.
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3/19/2009 9:44 PM
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CONGRATS Icgl!!!!!!!! I am so happy for you! I will keep praying that all continues to go well!
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3/19/2009 7:55 PM
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Ims - Thanks for the article. It describes everything I'm feeling and going through to a T! And it gives positive advice, one way or another we will all become parents. I really hope that is true for all of us.
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3/19/2009 7:42 PM
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Yay! Congrats Icgl. I was actually feeling nervous for you this morning when I woke up, knowing what this day feels like and knowing what the results are can change your life. My fingers are crossed and I will say a prayer. Ya hoo!!
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3/19/2009 4:38 PM
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Congrat Icgl....I am really happy for you. I will keep you and that new baby in my thoughts and prayers.
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3/19/2009 2:45 PM
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This is a link to an article/newstory that was done by one of our local stations. It really puts the entire IVF process into perspective as it relates to loss and how it is somewhat like grieving. A friend sent it to me and it really hit home.
I too just had a negative test and can relate to wanting to get happy and enjoy life again. Hubby tells me it will just take time. What I don't get is how they can act like it doesn't even bother them!
Hope this article helps!
http://www.ketv.com/health/10489743/detail.html
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3/19/2009 1:55 PM
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Icgl - Woo Hoo! That's great news about the home pregnancy test. I guess you go today to get tested at your clinic, eh? Keep us posted about your betas.
As I mentioned before, in the past I couldn't stand to get someone's "good news" because it just made me so upset. Although I em envious Icgl, I am glad to hear you got a positive home preg test result. I'm at a point now where, even though it's sometimes hard, I am truly happy to hear about everyone's successes because we have all been through such trying times.
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